Watching Myself Fail
My dreams of being an entrepreneur are built on the foundation of independence, responsibility, and freedom. In the past two weeks, I have encountered two interactions in a business where I felt trapped and felt as if I had failed.
The first interaction was with someone I had established a relationship with, so I went into the phone call ready to help, support, and listen. They took the call as an opportunity to express their ideas, negate mine, and prove themselves. About fifteen minutes in, I was so beaten down, insecure, and hopeless that I started believing that I had no worth, knowledge, or skill. After the call, I was ready to end my business and throw in the towel. I was complicit in my loss of power, and I watched as another powerful person squashed mine.
“Hans Phillips always says, “people are allergic to sales”, and I have taken that on as a guiding principle, so as soon as I knew I was being sold to, I knew I was allergic.”
The second interaction I knew even less about. I went in with an open mind, not sure what this person needed or wanted. Within about one minute, I realized I was being sold to. Hans Phillips always says, "people are allergic to sales", and I have taken that on as a guiding principle, so as soon as I knew I was being sold to, I knew I was allergic. Yet, I continued to ask questions and discuss with this person. I dug myself deeper into the conversation, and at the 30-minute mark, I was trying to convince myself that I did need their services. I snapped out of that, and at 35 minutes I was able to reclaim my power and regain my confidence. I told them it wasn't a match. The call ended. That was that.
“I had been given two opportunities to embrace ME, and yet I had not.”
Looking back, I am amazed at how close together these events were. I had been given two opportunities to embrace ME, and yet I had not. I am disappointed in myself for the toxicity I willingly endure. I feel like a liar for claiming freedom and independence while I am so easily influenced. I feel like I have failed my business, my coach, and myself. I have been alive long enough to know, that I did not fail. I am merely learning. I know that this morning I told my assistant that we both needed to offer compassion to ourselves today, and I have not been doing that. I know that I am trying to offer compassion towards myself, and I will continue to get better. And I know that this is a process, and I need to trust in the process. I am not confident nor am I fully in my power, but I am working on my confidence and stepping into my power.
“I need to trust in the process.”
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